How to choose and plan mentoring sessions

Editor's Note: A new pastor recently asked a seasoned minister in his church how he manages to find time to mentor young brothers in the faith and personally evangelize. After all, this new pastor has a full-time job in Washington, a wife and children, spends a lot of time commuting, and also handles all the other responsibilities of a pastor, all without financial support from the church. Is it possible to find time for mentoring and evangelism with such a busy schedule and workload? Here is the answer from a seasoned pastor, much of which he also got by asking and observing other ministers.

Every day I try to meet with someone with the following goals: (1) to mentor them (most meetings), (2) to be mentored, or (3) to evangelize. This happens either before work or during my lunch break. My goal is one meeting per day. If I have free time, I try to fill it with meeting with someone I haven’t seen in a while or with someone new. If I meet with someone new, I may or may not meet with them regularly; it may—and most likely will—be a one-time meeting. If the meeting is a one-time meeting with a church member, I try to make sure that the member is actively involved in the life of the church, and if not, I offer them options for how they can get involved.

I approach all my meetings flexibly and freely, often canceling or rescheduling them due to important family or work obligations that arise.

I am fortunate that my job has a flexible schedule and I have the support of my manager in this endeavor. My manager knows that I meet with people before work and during my lunch break, and he has no problem with that as long as I get my work done and stay connected. Make sure your manager supports you.

I use Google Calendar via my iPhone to schedule meetings and always try to schedule the next meeting with the person at the end of the current meeting.

At the moment, I meet with each person about once a month, sometimes even more often. There are cases where this happens situationally and on their initiative.

I choose meeting places where you don't have to buy anything or only a small amount. These are usually food courts or buffets. You can end up spending a lot of money on food that you don't really need. I bring my own coffee and lunch from home. I would love to buy lunch for others, but I'll leave that to those who can afford it.

My mentoring has a variety of goals, as I mentor men at different stages of spiritual maturity. Specific topics I discuss with men include pornography and masturbation, male character, difficult family issues, and learning how to better read and understand the Bible. Some are new Christians, while others are quite mature. Sometimes we read a book, sometimes we go over a list of questions they bring. Sometimes we review the sermon they heard on Sunday, or look at the next scripture passage. I am starting to prioritize meetings with more mature men so that there is a «handover» effect, with the hope that these more mature brothers will begin to mentor other brothers.

I try to minimize preparation for meetings. So I read books with men that I have already read myself, or I use scriptures that I have studied deeply. Here is a list of books that I often use: Knowing God, When Men Are Big and God Is Small, The Mandate, A Call to Spiritual Reformation, The Big Picture of God. If there is a new book that I want to read, I try to read it with someone else.

I try to keep track of who I meet with, how often, and for what purpose in a Google Doc. I also keep a list of people I used to meet with regularly or who I keep in touch with less systematically, usually for a specific purpose. I do this for two reasons: (1) it makes a great prayer list to use during my morning quiet reflections, and (2) it helps me stay connected with people and better understand how I'm using my time—or being strategic.

For example, if I look at my list and notice that I mostly meet people who are very similar to me, I will intentionally try to change that vector and build relationships with other people.

Sometimes I manage to get along with some men, and sometimes I don't. With some I get along very well, with others it's slow going. Sometimes we keep seeing each other because it still seems beneficial even if the communication isn't perfect; other times we decide to stop because it's not the best combination.

Some men grow spiritually, while others stay the same. If someone is stuck in one stage for too long, I would probably stop seeing them and probably recommend another mentor. Investing time in someone who is not interested in growing or accepting Scriptural counsel is an inefficient use of time.

I try to keep all my relationships loose. Sometimes I am an instrument in the hands of the Savior that God intends to use, and sometimes I am not. I am not the Messiah, Jesus is, and I want Jesus to be the center of the life of the one I am mentoring, not me or anyone else. This often means I have to let some brothers go. It can be hard, but I constantly remind myself that it is not about me being used for their spiritual growth, but about their growth happening through Jesus.

It's not always necessary to meet in person. I often make phone calls to men who don't work downtown, and often the calls are easier to schedule and quite helpful.

Sometimes I send emails to the men I date with motivational quotes, reflections on scriptures, or good articles I’ve found. I do it spontaneously. Sometimes these emails are personal to just one man, and sometimes I send them to a group in bcc.

I keep several Google Docs with scriptures on various topics. They are available on my iPhone, and I refer to them often to make sure I am applying the Bible to my husband’s problem and not just my own thoughts. I have scriptures on topics such as lust, pastoring, the authenticity of Scripture, same-sex attraction, ethnicity, and beauty (for my wife and daughters).

Author's Note: For more in-depth resources on mentoring, I recommend the 9Marks Mentoring Magazine 2012. I especially want to highlight the short article, "The Daily Schedule of a Mentor," which describes what a mentor's daily routine might look like.