Nobody gets the church they want.

I've barely gotten out of bed for the past few days. This is rare for me, as I'm twenty-seven years old and healthy. However, I have lumbar osteochondrosis, which makes itself felt from time to time.

Compared to other physical ailments, this is a relatively minor problem. It’s nothing compared to the cancer that one of my church members is battling, or the serious illnesses that others are battling. But this excruciating pain has ruined my plans for the week. I’ve had to skip classes, postpone my anniversary with my wife, and spend my evenings in bed instead of playing with my kids.

In all of this, God is teaching me lessons I don’t really want to learn. He’s teaching me not to turn frustration into harsh words to my wife, not to worry about how this illness might affect my life in the future, and to understand how dependent I am on Him.

These are lessons I wouldn't want to learn this week, but God knows I need them. I'm sure that's one of the reasons He didn't give me the week I wanted.

And so I see a lesson here for life in church. Honestly, no one gets the church they want.

You may not bring a list of demands and a notebook to church, but we all have a list of desires. Maybe you want a certain style of music, a special worship experience. Maybe you want a preacher who can go a mile deep into two verses from Romans. Maybe you want charismatic, outgoing leaders who can connect with anyone and always know what to say.

Whatever is on your list, I guarantee one thing: not everything on it is on God's list.

I mean, you have beliefs that go beyond the revealed will of God. A preacher I truly respect once said, «I don’t have my own opinions—I just believe the Bible.» I’m close to his spirit, but it’s impossible. What would you choose: a burger or a steak? Sing «A Strong Fortress Is Our God» or «10,000 Reasons»? Either way, it’s a choice. You have your preferences, but you’re unlikely to find a chapter and verse for them in Scripture.

But there is another point where your list for the church will not always coincide with God’s. God has revealed his will for the church in Scripture, but no church fulfills that will perfectly. No church is as mature and holy as God’s Word requires. Every church is a work in progress. So sometimes even a good desire to be part of a mature, thriving church can make you intolerant of the immaturity and struggle in your own church.

And God has revealed what churches should be and what they should do. Churches are to be led by a few godly men who shepherd the flock and preach the Word (1 Tim. 3:1-7; 2 Tim. 4:1-5). What if you are in a church where there is no plurality of pastors? There are as many answers as there are options in real-life situations. But one possible option is for you to exercise some of God’s patience toward His imperfect people.

If God can patiently bear with the immaturity of His people and their failure to follow His own instructions, so can you. If you are in a position of influence, use that influence humbly and wisely. But whatever you do, do not allow your good desire for your church to obey Scripture to turn into frustration or bitterness.

No one—that’s right, no one—gets the church they want. We all have opinions, preferences, and sometimes even beliefs that don’t perfectly align with any real church of God’s people. Each of us must put the interests of others before our own and sacrifice what we want for what the whole body needs.

In some ways, this is the essence of church life. God made us members of the body so that we would learn to care for it (1 Cor. 12:12-27). God made us partakers of the gospel so that we would reflect that gospel by putting others before ourselves (Phil. 2:3-4). Christ gave up his rights to serve us, and that is what you do every time you sacrifice your preferences to help the body grow.

Putting others before ourselves will come at a high price. In a culture rife with consumerism and in cities with churches galore to suit every taste, the last thing we usually want to do is sacrifice our own preferences. But that is exactly what the Gospel calls us to do.

Let’s say your church is singing a song that you don’t really like. The words are right, but you cringe at the melody and tone. Instead of silently laughing at it, dig in and sing along. Chances are, someone in your church loves that song. So encourage that member, whoever he or she is, by singing that particular hymn or spiritual song (Col. 3:16-17).

Train yourself to let go of your own preferences in order to hold on to the good of the whole Body of Christ. Teach your heart, mind, tongue, and hands to move in the gospel «rails» of self-denial—so that others may gain.

God may not give you the church you want, but He is perfectly capable of giving you the church you need. So look around you. He may have already done so.