All godly sorrow is rooted in godly joy.

I wept over my sins most sincerely when the sun of God’s goodness shone upon me, not when His wrath was upon me. One day, after I had spoken harshly to my wife, I left the kitchen and decided to take out the garbage. Once outside, I was struck by the beauty of a spring day: blue skies, a cool breeze, and the warm rays of the sun on my skin. It was as if God had leaned down and given me a tender kiss. As a result, I felt a deep remorse for the way I had treated my dear Noel.

I believe that the threat of God’s wrath makes the experience all the more real and meaningful. The kiss of warm sunlight was so moving precisely because there is something as terrible as a lightning strike—and that is what I deserved. Without the awareness of justice and wrath, the kiss would have lost its meaning. But it was actually heartbreaking.

Filled with kindness

Wasn’t that what the apostle Peter experienced in Luke chapter 5? They had been fishing all night, but they had caught nothing. But Jesus told them to put out to deep water and let down their nets. Peter protested: «Instructor, we toiled all night and caught nothing!» Yet he humbly obeyed. (Luke 5:5) When both boats were filled with fish​—that is, when Christ «kissed» Peter with His kindness, despite his doubts—​Peter fell to his knees before Jesus and cried out: «Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord!» (Luke 5:8). True repentance came upon Peter in the presence of almighty kindness.

David Brainerd, preaching to Native Americans, observed something similar. He noted, «It was remarkable to see how their hearts seemed to be penetrated by the tenderness and gracious invitation of the Gospel, notwithstanding not a word of fear was spoken» (The Life of David Brainerd, 307).

What can we learn from these three examples? Three lessons.

1. True repentance flows from love

Real tears of true repentance for sin are born of love for holiness, not fear of the consequences of its absence.

In other words, if your tears are caused by a lack of something important, it means that you must truly desire and love what you lack, not just try to avoid the consequences of that lack. You must love what you lack so that your tears will testify to its true value.

This means that true, godly repentance must be preceded by love for God. Tears that honor God's holiness must be born of love for His holiness. Otherwise, your tears will not be caused by the lack of what you love, but only by the fear of God's wrath.

Notice how strange this seems at first glance: God and His way of holiness must become your treasure, your joy, before you can weep for the lack of that holiness. Paradoxical as it may sound, you must know God and His holiness as your joy before their lack can become your sorrow. Joy in God is the basis of godly sorrow for sin. You must love God before alienation from Him can cause you real pain.

2. Not all suffering glorifies God

You can weep over the lack of holiness not because you love holiness, but because you fear the consequences of its absence.

Many criminals will weep when their sentence is read, not because they love righteousness, but because they lose the freedom to do more wrong and because it will hurt them. Weeping over the punishment you will receive for your crime is not a sign of hatred of evil, but only of hatred of pain. Such weeping is not true evangelical repentance and does not lead to Christian obedience.

This is very important to know in all counseling and preaching. Tears often flow where there is no true repentance. The counselor must be discerning. Sympathy for tears that does not recognize the lack of love for holiness and obedience to Christ can lead to bad advice, premature comfort, and superficial healing.

3. Attract people with God's beauty

Preaching and pastoral care that aims to bring about genuine evangelical repentance must learn to make God and his holiness attractive. This is so that, through the touch of the Holy Spirit, people will come to love God's holiness so much that they will feel remorse for not having attained it.

Preaching and instruction that produces a heart of contrition over sin certainly clearly portrays God’s justice and wrath. But it is important to understand that tears of repentance for lack of holiness arise from the joy that comes from knowing God’s holiness. Therefore, the burden of our preaching and counsel will be a prayerful effort to present God in Christ as All-Glorious and All-Encompassing. For all godly sorrow is rooted in godly joy.