9 factors to consider when choosing a student

Imagine two church members. Let's call them Bob and Bill.

Bob is a Bible student. He loves to know what the Scriptures say about everything. If you ask him about the doctrine of the Trinity, he can give a clear explanation. However, his actions and his attitude toward others do not always reflect Christian character. In fact, his life does not closely resemble that of a follower of Christ. But he knows the Bible well!

Bill is different. He doesn’t advertise it, but he doesn’t read the Bible often. Sure, he wants to be «good» and tries to love others. But he would have a hard time explaining who Jesus is or what the church is. He’s not very good at ethics either. But Bill strives to live differently from the world—not selfishly or narcissistically. He sees himself as a relationship person, not a «Bible person» or a «doctrinal person.».

Do any of these people look like you?

Bob should care more about people, and Bill should care more about truth. In fact, both should focus more on Jesus, because Jesus loves both the truths of God’s Word and the lives of God’s people.

The church’s discipleship work should help both types of people better follow Jesus. Jesus said:

«Whoever wants to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me» (Mark 8:34).

Bob must deny himself and follow Jesus by loving people more. Bill must do this by working to love God’s Word more.

A student is not someone who, who only claims to follow Christ. A disciple is one who truly follows Christ.

This is where any discussion of discipleship begins—with a reminder of what it means to follow Jesus. Discipleship means helping others follow Jesus. Discipleship is a relationship in which we seek to do spiritual good for someone by initiating, teaching, correcting, modeling, loving, humbling, counseling, and influencing.

How can we teach others? How can we help Bob be more concerned with putting his faith into practice and Bill be more concerned with understanding it?

This is not just a matter for pastors. The Bible calls all of us to this work. The apostle John tells us to love one another (2 John 5). The apostle Paul calls us to encourage one another and build one another up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). He also says to teach one another, as we strive to present each one mature in Christ (Col. 1:28). The writer of Hebrews urges us to consider how we can spur one another on to love and good works (Heb. 10:24).

The first question you will have to decide is who you will spend time with. You have a limited amount of time each week. You can’t teach the entire church, so how do you decide who to invest your efforts with?

With the Bible in hand, let's look at nine factors to consider—and probably in that order.

1. Family members

Paul writes:

«If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an infidel» (1 Tim. 5:8).

In this and other places, the Bible teaches that each of us has a special responsibility to our family members. In the family, God provides a lifelong relationship and a natural basis for love and care. These natural relationships and responsibilities should be directed toward the accomplishment of goals that are in harmony with the will of Christ. This is especially true of those with whom you live. And this is even more true if Scripture gives you special responsibility for these people, such as parents for their children or spouses for each other. These relationships are the most important discipleship relationships you will ever have.

2. Spiritual state

You should preach the gospel to your non-Christian friends, but there is no point in teaching them as if they are already Christians. Paul reminds us:

«The natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned» (1 Cor. 2:14).

A Christian should be taught.

3. Church membership

Let us pay attention to these instructions in the Epistle to the Hebrews:

«Remember those who are taking the lead among you, who spoke the word of God to you, and as you consider the outcome of their conduct, imitate their faith… Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls as those who will render an account. Let them do this with joy and not with sighing, for that would be unprofitable for you.»​—Heb. 13:7, 17.

These verses certainly call us to listen carefully to the leaders of our local churches. At the same time, they emphasize an important principle: discipleship is best realized and practiced in the context of relationships within the church.

Our first responsibility is to our local church. It is to build the church and to allow it to build us. Members of a local church follow and obey the same ministers, profess the same creed, and adhere to a common church charter. They receive the same instruction in the fundamental and secondary matters of faith, and they meet regularly, at least every Sunday. As a result, discipleship often develops best within the confines of their local church.

Moreover, if your friend is attending an unhealthy church, your teaching may, ironically, be detrimental to his spiritual life. How? Your support will allow him to remain in a congregation that does not teach biblical truth. This is not an absolute rule, but in some cases it is better to simply encourage your friend to join a healthy church. After all, Christians need the entire Body of Christ, not just individual teachers.

4. Gender

Scripture is sensitive to gender issues in the context of discipleship. For example, Paul tells Titus to:

«The older women…are to teach the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, good housewives, subject to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed» (Titus 2:3–5).

In public places, I teach both men and women. In addition, each of us has a mother and a father, and many have sisters, brothers, or spouses, which means that mentoring the opposite sex is part of our family relationships. In church, we have relationships with both men and women and are family friends.

However, when it comes to normal and conscious discipleship relationships, it is wise for men to teach men and women to teach women. We recognize that gender is a God-given reality and seek to treat it with realism and respect. We are to love everyone in the church, but at the same time, we are to avoid inappropriate relationships.

5. Age

Just as Scripture is sensitive to gender, it is also sensitive to age. In the passage from Titus mentioned, younger women are taught by older ones. Elsewhere, Paul tells Timothy not to let his youth be looked down upon, but at the same time he encourages him to honor the older ones. (1 Tim. 4:12; 5:1).

Normally you would teach someone younger than you. However, the Scriptures are full of exceptional examples of younger ones teaching older ones. And surely, over time, we strive to grow in humility by learning from those our own age, and even from those younger than us. Otherwise, we would run out of teachers! Personally, I learn as much from friends in their twenties and thirties as I do from people in their seventies and eighties.

6. Different from you

Few things demonstrate the power of the Gospel more clearly than the unity it achieves among people divided by the categories of this world.

«Through Him we both have access by one Spirit to the Father,» says Ephesians 2:18. The wall of separation between Jew and Gentile was broken down at the cross.

Now the wisdom of God is revealed through the unity of these once divided people (Eph. 3:10). And, of course, the unity that the Church experiences, overcoming ethnic, economic, educational, and other kinds of divisions, anticipates the day when «a great multitude, which no man could number, out of every nation, and kindred, and people, and tribe» will stand together before the throne of God in worship (Rev. 7:9–10).

What does this mean in practice?

When you are looking for someone to disciple together, there is no doubt that middle-aged mothers should befriend each other; young couples should spend time together; and single men in their twenties should socialize with each other. In such groups, there are common interests that God uses for growth.

But also consider what you might learn by spending time with university students; working with children and youth; helping foreigners from England, Brazil, or Korea; or, if you are a young white man, dating an older African American.

How much God can teach us about Himself through people who are different from us! And how the Gospel is manifested in our unity—not just in the unity of loving one another, but in the unity of learning from one another.

7. Ability to learn

Proverbs repeatedly praises the son who is capable of learning and condemns the foolish one who despises reproof, instruction, and counsel. Furthermore, it says that God:

«He guides the humble in righteousness and teaches them His ways» (Ps. 25:9; cf. Prov. 11:2).

Therefore, Peter teaches:

«Likewise, you younger ones, be in subjection to your older ones. In fact, all of you, be humble toward one another, because God opposes the proud, but he gives grace to the humble.» (1 Pet. 5:5).

Don't waste your time trying to teach someone who thinks you have nothing to teach them and that they have nothing to learn. Teach those who are ready to learn. And try to learn yourself.

8. Faithfulness in teaching others

Let us remember Paul's words to Timothy:

«And the things that you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, these entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also» (2 Tim. 2:2).

We want to teach everyone, and we especially want to teach those who will be converted and teach those who will teach others. We will add if necessary, but our real desire is to multiply. We are not just teaching the next generation—we are reaching all future generations!

9. Compatibility and schedule

In fact, the Bible pays attention to time and our busy schedules. Paul writes:

«Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those related to us in the faith.» (Gal. 6:10).

You will find many other verses like this that urge us to make the best and most profitable use of our time (e.g., Eph. 5:16).

This last characteristic I'm talking about is a matter of wisdom. But in general, I would recommend finding someone whose schedule aligns with yours. You also need to consider where you live or work, and your commitments to family, work, and church. Remember that God is not calling you to do the impossible.

In all of this, of course, God has good things planned out for us (Eph. 2:10). And, as with the Good Samaritan, sometimes He places people in our path with whom we would not normally think to spend time. Perhaps it is a member of your church who works in your office or whose children participate in the same sports events as your children. Or perhaps a spouse is passing away, and the grieving party reaches out to you.

All of this means being wise and careful about who you choose to spend time with, but know that the Lord’s leading sometimes derails all our plans. Thank God, it makes us dependent on Him!

Association

Think of Bob and Bill. Suppose your schedule allows you to spend time with only one of them, not both. How do you choose?

Of course, you should pray about it, but there is no right answer, and there is no need to feel guilty if you can't spend time with both of them. That's why we have the Body of Christ.

You might choose Bob because his work schedule is more compatible with yours, or because he lives in your area, or because your wives are already good friends. You might decide to invest in Bill because he is returning to Bogotá, Colombia, next summer, he has a passion for teaching others, and you want to prepare him to teach others in Bogotá. Whatever your choice, pray, ask for wisdom, and take action.

In all of this, whether you are teaching one person or four, make sure you are growing spiritually yourself, and then help those around you grow. Both of these points are important, and each contributes to the other.

Editor’s Note: This article is adapted from Mark Dever’s new book, «Discipling: How to Help Others Follow Jesus» (Crossway, 2016). Used with permission.